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Fake Twitter Reviews of the Way of Kings

jeremy208#FakeKings Wow, the world’s first fantasy novel written in 3-D!. The words literally jump off the page. The fight scenes gave me bruises. Ow!

timee1989: The Way of Kings is splendidly done and brings back the magic of the original installment in the Wheel of Time Series #FakeKings

jonbarr: just finished “The Way of Kings” by Sanderson. Still trying to figure out how the vampire penguin learned to speak Latin. #FakeKings

WheelOfTime: Congratulations @BrandSanderson for finishing The Way of Kings. NOW FINISH ME!!! #FakeKings #WoT

hybridhavoc: THE WAY OF KINGS is a marvelous piece of Sesame Street fan fiction that is fun for the whole family! #FakeKings

valeryan: Way of kings Sanderson’s gripping history of European monarchs is sure to make you wish you were British. Pip Pip!! #FakeKings

mmulligan#FakeKings The Way of Kings is long. It’s so long, we had to start reviewing it before Brandon has written it.

rocketroadtrip: #FakeKings A great read and more. It anchors ships, ballasts balloons, & is the principle building block of the Great Pyramid of Giza.

BelRand#FakeKings An inspirational story indeed. When Rand watched Elayne and Shai’tan fly away from Casablanca together a tear came to my eye.

chrisoubre: Completely unexpectedly @BrandSanderson’s The Way of Kings portrays an evil Ruler who turns out to be not so evil after all. #FakeKings

skythomas: Not happy w/Kings. Many fantasy authors annoy with a bardic ballad. Only Sanderson would so arrogantly include sheet music. Yuck! #FakeKings

ShunkyDave: I have a copy in each of my bathrooms so I can read it no matter where I find myself!!#FakeKings

audrey_gonzalez: #FakeKings The most touching part of the book was Winnie the Pooh’s death scene on the destroyer, where he forgave Elvis for betraying him.

jaisonlee: @BrandSanderson The Way of Kings helped me fix the wobbly chair I have! #FakeKings

RedefineBeauty#FakeKings Sanderson’s latest novel leaves something to be desired. I think he should have left the braille section in, personally.

randytayler#FakeKings Not sure why Wheel of Time needs two more books after The Way of Kings, since @BrandSanderson killed everybody off at the end.

pmrbluepat: Jesus, locked in an epic battle of Hungry Hungry Hippo with Napoleon to decide the fate of the world = instant best seller #FakeKings

dragonmount#FakeKings The Way of Kings cured my cancer. And then it killed Asmodean. -Jennifer

goddessladyj: Mmm . . . The Way of Kings. A perfect concoction of magic, war, romance & humor. With laser cats! @BrandSanderson #FakeKings

kqrpnb: Way of Kings by @BrandonSanderson OK, if you like 3 books full of 140 character sentences. Seems too modernly influenced somehow. #FakeKings

Fiirvoen#FakeKings Avant garde brilliance! 467 blank pages in the preface with the single page of text n the middle was a bold move @BrandSanderson

badgerpendous: Not satisfied with the usual magic systems, BSanderson devised a unique Fruit-Based system for _Way_of_Kings_. Pomegranate power! #FakeKings

joshuapatrao: @BrandSanderson Genius to have fourteen timelines with just one character and using tables as duelling weapons was interesting . . . #FakeKings

EricManchester: Way of Kings by @BrandonSanderson is better than Cats. I want to read it again and again. #FakeKings come on some one had to 🙂

ErrantKnave: The Way of Kings renewed my faith in Bela as the saviour of mankind. #FakeKings

mmulligan#FakeKings TWoK, the 1st ep in the Stormlight Archive, followed Blvd of Queens, The Drive of Princes until finally The Avenue of Minor Lords

HCPanther: Thanks to WoK we now know that Asmodean wasn’t killed he used portal stones to travel to a different world #FakeKings

Qurtyslyn: The Pantiloonian Nation shows it’s great courage in it’s sacrifice to defeat the misunderstood Cult of Noodleocracy. #FakeKings

boarders752#FakeKings The way of kings was so awesome it cleansed saidin.

eliyannakaiser: @BrandSanderson WoK: You’ll have great abs after carrying it around for the 20 weeks it takes to read. Also a nifty doorstop. #FakeKings

cheleball: Loved the exploding frogs, but we never got to see anyone frog blast a vent core. I hope he fixes this in the next book. #FakeKings

greywanderer#FakeKings The real shocker came when the author devoted three chapters to describing a working national health care solution.

greywanderer#FakeKings Dwarves in tights? Warriors in leather? Wizards with big wands? If that sounds like your idea of fun, WoK is for you!

RajivMote: Way of Kings boldly revitalizes the moribund “Scarecrow & Mrs. King” franchise, but at the cost of established continuity. #FakeKings

HCPanther: WoK was insightful, especially the 300 paragraphs explaining how to solve the national debt with Caf-Pow. #FakeKings

Rinzi: WoK focused a little too heavily on the merits of cherry flavor vs. original Chapstick.#FakeKings

joeldny#FakeKings dont agree wit d timetravel machine in dis book. it maybe bcuz of cultural differences, but to me a baconcat machine seems stupid

greywanderer#FakeKings More of a New Age self help book than a traditional fantasy, WoK is bound to please, or at least open up your chakras.

brady32: Way of the Kings felt familiar but couldn’t place why. The final duel between Perry Hatter and Arch-Duke Holdemort rocked though. #FakeKings

Rinzi: WoK redefines the bacon genre as one which is not only delicious, but spreads knowledge of video game rating systems as well. #FakeKings

greywanderer#FakeKings WoK is a strange compilation of family recipes, old college essays, Marxist rantings, and Peanuts cartoons. But a great read!

zediir: I especially liked the line by Bildo “Why bother with all of the cajoling” and “I am a fish” made me laugh. #FakeKings

Rinzi: I just dropped a copy of WoK into my cereal. Not only is the book still dry, but the cereal now tastes rather like ambrosia. #FakeKings

Rinzi: I quite reading when WoK began, “Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down.”#FakeKings

LeviJohnson: WoK was like finding the last dish at an all you can eat buffet was made by a very drunk Wolfgang Puck #FakeKings

greywanderer#FakeKings Most famous for its use as building material in making earth ships in the New Mexico desert, WoK can also be read!

selianth#FakeKings The best part of WoK was the rescue off the iceberg. How the mules jumped the gap I’ll never know. Confused by the mute duck . . .

helgagrace: The Way of Kings: A Literary Tour de France. #FakeKings

ecurbmp: #FakeKings “Now you too can learn to live like royalty with The Way of Kings!” @BrandSanderson

GuySrinivasan: Anyone else notice that *exactly* every third chapter of WoK passes the Bechdel Test? There’s such a thing as trying too hard. #FakeKings


benpatient: Eagerly awaiting the prequel: I am the Way of Kings and So Can You #FakeKings

audrey_gonzalez: #FakeKings Sanderson is the master of the POV from inanimate objects. I will never look at a lighthouse or doorknob the same way again.

Savagedpuck: The part about WoK I am still trying to recover from was when the techno Viking surprised us all with that unexpected plot twist #FakeKings

hadaad#FakeKings Really, Sanderson, do you think Rand and Min’s cameo won’t get you sued?

dragonmount: The sexy teenage vampires in WAY OF KINGS are sooo hot. -JD #FakeKings

AmiChopine: I liked it when Gloriana got rich posting LOLs of the dragon ravaging her village on a website, & the other dragons laughed at it #FakeKings

RajivMote: Way of Kings offers a scathing indictment of “have it your way” fast-food culture perpetuated by the customized Whopper. #FakeKings

joshuapatrao: It was shocking how KING’s prologue included a take on the Grand Unified Theory that Einstein worked his whole life to accomplish #FakeKings

protonone: Sanderson has crafted a tale so engrossing that you cannot help but to devour it! *Tor does not endorse eating this product #FakeKings

JasonMichelsen: @BrandSanderson Very disappointing. Just finished WoK . . . Elvis wasn’t mentioned a single time. #FakeKings

jayelarr: I’m not sure he pulled it off, but the Celine Dion powered love ballad makes Sanderson’s Way of Kings soar! #FakeKings

jayelarr: Idward and Esabella’s adventures through Furks make Brandon Sanderson’s Way of Kings a breath of fresh air in a crowded genre. #FakeKings

joshuapatrao: KINGS is a gritty tale of war featuring futuristic banana-shaped projectiles and copious amounts of lyrical marsupials, Wombats! #FakeKings

Daergar#FakeKings The Way of Kings is an epic, wonderful continuation of WoT . . . but the inclusion of Jar Jar Binks is puzzling

stayawesome: I still don’t understand what the pineapple had to do with anything . . . #FakeKings

shadowsndust284: Judging by the subject matter, WoK was meant to be read whilst snorkeling in a subterranean beef market. #FakeKings

greywanderer#FakeKings Brandon Sanderson? I think not. More like Brandon R. R. Sanderson. After reading WoK, you’ll agree.

joshuapatrao: KINGS characters include Elvis, Steve King, all 16 Louis(es), Larry King, a waffle and a very odd infant called Ladykiller Tattoo #FakeKings

Daergar#FakeKings I really appreciated the free airline tickets to England included with Way of Kings. Brandon Sanderson was a great butler, too.

joshuapatrao: There is no doubt that KINGS seems destined to become the first New York Times Bestseller written by artifical intelligence #FakeKings

greywanderer: While obviously a thinly veiled attempt to indoctrinate children in Sanderson’s leftist world view, WoK still delivers. #FakeKings

HCPanther: Inclusion of Sailor Moon made this the most interesting thing I’ve done since underwater basket weaving @ the Black Tower #FakeKings

joshuapatrao: KINGS is unbelievably drab. Not even the book’s only character revealing his name at the climactic tea party saves this one. #FakeKings

joshuapatrao: The brilliant magic system in KINGS involves chewing on colorful lumps of lead while air-scrawling words on tiny pieces of metal. #FakeKings

lucklesswonder: You will be transported to a another world. The publisher urges you to remember your oxygen bottle and pressure suit. #FakeKings

lucklesswonder: Way of Kings is also the first Choose Your Own Adventure that allows you to choose the adventures of other readers. #FakeKings

LelaSandstrom: How did Michael Jackson get into the last scene of KINGS? #FakeKings

ahtripp#FakeKings The Way of Kings is so overwhelming in its fantasticness that Brandon Sanderson killed his Twitter page with it.

zemaille: @BrandSanderson #FakeKings Sanderson has packed Way of Kings with exclusive clues to who’s Asmodean’s killer !

cwhiii: Way of Kings is an oddly stirring novel, whilst also being extraordinarily dry. It rather reminded me of a good martini. #FakeKings

LelaSandstrom: In WoK, everyone could send limited telepathic messages to each other. I think Sanderson got the idea from Twitter. #FakeKings

zemaille#FakeKings Way of Kings is very good but the two Perrin Aybara chapters in the middle seemed to belong to another story . . .

zemaille#FakeKings Upon hearing the final draft reached 381k, Brandon’s editor Moshe threatened to split HIM in three volumes.

evannave: way of kings has to be the best thing ive read in aons: ladykiller tattoo and her phallic army storming the cheesehouse! #FakeKings

RajivMote: Way Of Kings is the most provocative study of psycho-sexual power and the annihilation of the ego since The Story Of O. #FakeKings

Theoryland: I love Sanderson’s zany yet evil musician, Omsanaed, and his invisible pet iguana! It makes me wonder who will kill Omsanaed? #FakeKings

sainttames: #FakeKings Brandon Sanderson’s inclusion of an internet meme-based magic system truly made Way of Kings a wonder to read.

sainttames: #FakeKings “RICKROLL’D” was one of the best chapters I’ve ever read in any Sci Fi/Fantasy book. Seriously.

shadowsndust284: WoK left me feeling I had devoured a most excellent cheese ball, until I began regurgitating two hours later. #FakeKings

shadowsndust284: Way of Kings made me late for the zombie weasel festival 🙁 #FakeKings

Quibby1#FakeKings The Way of Kings lays a foundation for a path that may lead humanity to a greater understanding of each other. World peace!

Illesdk: WoK is really entertaining, but I wonder where Brandon got the story of my life from . . . am I being watched? #FakeKings

shadowsndust284: I give Way of Kings 3 raptors out of 5. I’d give it more except I just can’t seem to find the little buggers . . . #FakeKings

Daergar#FakeKings The Way of Kings has been banned in 13 states for its liberal use of the word “bottom”

Scott_Laney: I was so touched by WoK that after I finished reading it, I joined a monestary and take a vow of silence at how awesome is was #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The best thing about The Way of Kings is that it makes a great weapon, as it is very thick and heavy. MUGGERS BEWARE!!! #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings was so beautiful that, after reading it, all nations in the Middle East gave up any desire for further violence. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings inspired Joss Whedon to make Serenity 2 #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings was so awesome that time travelers posted reviews on Amazon years before its completion #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings gave me such a warm fuzzy feeling that I briefly considered not selling my brother into slavery #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: If only McCain had read the Way of Kings before choosing Palin as his running mate he might have won the election #FakeKings

greywanderer: WoK is a revealing look at the subculture of furries, especially as it relates to their interaction with society as a whole. #FakeKings

greywanderer: Written while in prison for selling state secrets to the Illuminati, WoK is a plea for a utopian New World Order . #FakeKings

Ravenstrider: It’s all lies! Elvis was not a lesbian! I won’t believe it! I know he has documents and photos, but noooo! #FakeKings

C_Satterfield: Interestingly enough, if you read Way of Kings backward, you’ll find that it contains its own sequel! #FakeKings

lucklesswonder: Presents new treatises on energy consumption and mass-reduction fields, boldly hinting that the stars will soon be in our grasp. #FakeKings

Daergar#FakeKings Brandon Sanderson’s Way of Kings was so good, it will be handed out as promo material for Obama’s re-election campaign

apathyclub: The Way of Kings firmly cements Sanderson’s reputation as a bacon fetishist.#FakeKings

apathyclub: WoK’s side effects include lettuce hair, combustible colon, and rubik’s ribs. #FakeKings

strakul: We finally hear of Hoid’s legendary adventures in The Way of Kings. #FakeKings

Rinzi: I hardly got any tips tonight because my customers were all reading WoK instead of eating sushi. WoK, btw, tastes like sushi. #FakeKings

greywanderer: Does WoK work better than statins in lowering cholesterol? 9 out of 10 doctors say no. The other 1 has been paid off by Tor. #FakeKings

greywanderer: As proven by #FakeKings, you don’t actually have to read WoK to have it keep you up past your bed time.

strakul: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” was a bit of a clichéd opening line for WoK. #FakeKings

strakul: An epic adventure in all dimensions! (3D glasses sold separately) #FakeKings

strakul: The Way of Kings is priceless. There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else . . . there’s no Mastercard in WoK! #FakeKings

Rinzi: WoK details the adventures of a faithless god, a sociopath teen, and a sentient space turd, all with great writing advice. #FakeKings

hanky_gobbler: WOK was not as long as some other books, but longer than others. One things’s for sure: it’s a book you can read. #FakeKings

lucklesswonder: Like a nice gin and tonic, WoK is refreshing and faintly intoxicating, its pages are soaked in 1950s vintage Plymouth. #FakeKings

BeachyWan: WoK was so explosive I couldn’t get my copy past security at the airport. #FakeKings

calecabbage: The WoK is going to put even the WoT to shame in its magnitude. 11 books? I say at least 15! The last one will be split into five #FakeKings

kristinchan: A controversial Alaskan princess seeks greater things and splits the world in two. Shocking plot twists ensue.Follow her story in #FakeKings

koljaschneider: WoK is an absolutely stunning novel – except for the weirdly numerous occurrences of the word “smelt” #FakeKings

Dan_Awestrike: The prerelease buzz for WoK is COMPLETELY unfounded, this is NOT the MMORPG ur looking for . . . You have to actually read it . . . >_< #FakeKings

Anulith: A man, a woman, a boy, and a girl, not related . . . or are they? WoK takes you down a familiar road in a car you haven’t seen before.#FakeKings

nsweezea: The WoK is anarchy, war and devastation. Stay tuned for your local news at 11.#FakeKings

Theoryland: #WoKtheory Bored, Maril will discover Tapping, awakening her Rhythm power, and she’ll dance her way out of King Hirn’s prison. #FakeKings

jerryjvl#FakeKings must be the best book I never read. The plot is so nuanced that once I didn’t notice for days I had left the book in the park.

joeyreese: As the last in a long line of emperor penguins, Lukewarm William sets off to avenge the brutal murder of his brother, Chilly. #FakeKings

SeanMcpeters: WOK is a Political Masterpiece that is now banned in England by Queen Elizabeth until B.S. writes The Way of Queens #FakeKings

RobertAvi: WoK was so bad it was single-handedly responsible for the destruction of Tor and every other book publishing company on Earth #FakeKings

RobertAvi: I loved Way of Kings so much I cried, and then my tears cried. I collected those in a bottle and got 3 wishes from a genie #FakeKings

GaryEBarber: #FakeKings WOK is Harry Potter meets The Scorpion King – without the whole wizard school/former wrestler thing . . .

Anulith: A tantalizing look at the rise and fall of Michael Jackson. Way of Kings is a must read for all fans of pop culture.#FakeKings

joeyreese: Dude . . . The WoK is totally original. There are neither beginnings nor endings in the WoK, but this is certainly ‘a’ beginning. #FakeKings

jerryjvl#FakeKings Sanderson’s latest: twists and turns, ninjas, aliens, constructed from only flash-back and forward; wish he’d used vowels though.

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings was only slightly harder to follow than the Ghost in the Shell movie#FakeKings

Sevynwarr: WoK was just the book I needed to bludgeon my annoying little brother senseless, though I suppose any book would have done really #FakeKings

aronsamma#FakeKings Written entirely in an invented language, WoK is the first novel to ever ship with its own dictionary and training software

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings is the best book that has ever been written . . . by a man with a name as long as Brandon Sanderson #FakeKings

Theoryland: #Woktheory – Brandon’s posts about the world having not exploded upon waking . . . lead me to believe the world does explode in WoK. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings has so many fake reviews that I’ve literally run out of silly things to say about it #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: If you read the Way of Kings at speeds slower than 50 Miles Per Hour it will explode#FakeKings

strakul: If you think these fake reviews are cool, just wait until you get the actual book! #FakeKings

Daraxyl: After finishing WoK, I finally understand why Brandon wrote “Sorry.” when he autographed my book. #FakeKings

Daraxyl: I had heard of people burning books, but I was still surprised to see Brandon Sanderson shoveling copies of WoK onto the bonfire. #FakeKings

Theoryland: WoT fans rejoice that Sanderson chose WoK, instead of previously considered titles: Way of Times, Way of Titans, Way of Turtles. #FakeKings

joeldny: i bought this book expecting to read about “ways of kings” i got nothing about MJ or elvis instead i got a novel. who wants that? #FakeKings

joeldny: WOK is a FAKE! I read this book and found out that it actually consists of thousands of fake reviews for guess . . . WOK! shame on u BS #FakeKings

NuclearWinter82#FakeKings With enough homo-eroticism to make Anne Rice blush, most readers will probably wonder why it wasn’t called Way of Queens

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings was the first book I’ve ever read that was written completely backwards. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings grants supernatural powers to all who read it. I gained the power to walk and chew gum at the same time. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: It is inadvisable to use the Way of Kings as a frisbie, knocked my poor dog out cold when he tried to catch it. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: Professor Plum killed Asmodean with the Way of Kings in the conservatory. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings is the first book of epic fantasy containing a cast made entirely of kittens. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings is the last, best adventure of Chuck Norris, where he single handedly defeats every facist ever #FakeKings

AStephenson123: The sequence with the squirrel is the best. I love when it gives a 90 page speech (backwards), and then explodes all over Elvis. #FakeKings

HCPanther: The Way of Kings beats out Heart of Darkness as the longest book made of a single sentence #FakeKings

timpenin: Way of Kings is the first epic fantasy ever to be told in pop-up format. Illustrations are, unfortunately, not included. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The Way of Kings is the best book I’ve read since Harry Potter and the Raging Teenage Emo #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: The world was in darknes until God said “Let there be light” and behold, the Way of Kings descended to Earth and there was light. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: Title typo It was originally the Weigh of Kings, the biggest loser meets epic fantasy in this new format of reality entertainment #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: WoK was found to be the murder weapon when William Shatner killed JJ Abrams for not including him in the latest Star Trek film #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: Unlike WoT, which litereally goes on for an eternity, WoK ends rather abruptly with the world exploding in the first chapter WoK #FakeKings

Frayling0: I don’t think you should have ended it on such a cliffhanger . . . the deranged cow with the chainsaw was just too much. #FakeKings

Frayling0: Chapter 17 was my favourite. The way you described the spontaneous combustion of Elvis simply flowed off the page. #FakeKings

Sevynwarr: Deranged cow with a chainsaw . . . what about the psychotic chipmunk with a fetish for using high explosives on cute cuddly things? #FakeKings

GrahamChops: Way of Kings doubles as a bulletproof vest, a picnic blanket, and a hang glider, and that’s just the paperback. #FakeKings

GrahamChops: Michael Bay made confusing last-minute changes to Transformers 2 ’cause Sanderson ripped off the original script to write WoK #FakeKings

|   Castellano