I am awesome.
No, really. I’m the most amazing person you’ve ever read about. Or that you ever will read about. There’s nobody like me out there. I’m Alcatraz Smedry, the unbelievably incredible.
If you’ve read the previous two volumes of my autobiography (and I hope that you have, for if you haven’t, I will make fun of you later on) you might be surprised to hear me being so positive. I worked hard in the other books to make you hate me. I told you quite bluntly that I was not a nice person in the first book, then proceeded to show that I was a liar in the second.
I was wrong. I’m an amazing, stupendous person. I might be a little selfish at times, but I’m still rather incredible. I just wanted you to know that.
You might remember from the other two books (assuming you weren’t too distracted by how awesome I am) that this series is being published simultaneously in the Free Kingdoms and in the Hushlands. Those in the Free Kingdoms—Mokia, Nalhalla, and the like—can read it for what it really is, an autobiographical work that explains the truth behind my rise to fame. In the Hushlands—places like the United States, Mexico, and Australia—this will be published as a fantasy novel to disguise it from Librarian Agents.
Both lands need this book. Both lands need to understand that I am no hero. The best way to explain this, I have now decided, is to talk repeatedly about how awesome, incredible, and amazing I am.
You’ll understand eventually.